"Secrets of Great Golf"
A reporter was interviewing Jack Nicklaus. He said, "Jack, you are
spectacular, your name is synonymous with the game of golf. You really know your
way around the course. What is your secret?"
To which Jack replied, "The holes are numbered!"
"Fore Better or Worse"
In primitive society, when native tribes beat the ground with clubs and yelled,
it was called witchcraft; today, in civilized society, it is called golf.
Golf is an expensive way of playing marbles.
Golf is a game in which the slowest people in the world are those in front of
you, and the fastest are those behind.
Golf: A five mile walk punctuated with disappointments.
The secret of good golf is to hit the ball hard, straight and not too often.
There's no game like golf: you go out with three friends, play eighteen holes,
and return with three enemies.
Golf was once a rich man's sport, but now it has millions of poor players.
An amateur golfer is one who addresses the ball twice: once before swinging, and
once again after swinging.
Many a golfer prefers a golf cart to a caddy because the cart cannot count,
criticize or laugh.
A rather bad batsman received a phone call. "Sorry, he's just gone out to
bat." "All right. I'll hang on!"
Fish: an underwater creature which grows fastest between the time it is nearly
caught and the time the fisherman describes it to his friends.
My golf is improving. Yesterday I hit the ball in one!
Two golfers were on the first tee, and one hit the ball and sank it in one, from
450 yards. His opponent said, "Right. Now for my practice swing and then
we'll start the game."